Reborn As An Early Retiree, I Now Wander America’s Costliest City: Volume 1, Chapter 3

 

WHAT’S ON MY MIND

Finances. I had my semi-annual meeting with my financial advisor this week, and we’re both pleased with our results over the past two years. 

He was also shocked with my appearance since I'm roughly 60 pounds lighter than I was the last time we met.

WHAT I ATE

Inspired by a recent Spo post, I made a spread out of Underwood deviled ham for lunch midweek. It was very tasty when mixed with mayo and sriracha, but I’m not a fan of its sodium content so I probably won't do that again anytime soon.

I bought a tub of trail mix and quickly rediscovered why it along with chips should be labeled "The Great Weight Loss Inhibitors". You know, those snacks that make you graze on them all day long and sabotage your healthy habits. I threw the trail mix in the trash less than 48 hours after its purchase.

WHAT I WATCHED

A shout out goes to Jellyfish Can’t Swim In The Night, a musical anime on HIDIVE about four girls that form an anonymous artist group called “JELEE”. Like most shows in this genre, it’s friendship driven and the visuals and singing are top notch. 

WHAT I BOUGHT

A camo print fanny pack that matches my Tumi backpacks but costs less than the sales tax of one. I’m one of the cool kids (at heart), so I wear it over one shoulder as a crossbody bag like people do in anime. It has a hole on one end of the main compartment to thread wired earbuds through it, and now I don’t have to worry about breaking a pair of reading glasses in my front pockets anymore. 

WHAT I LISTENED TO

I listened to the latest Welcome To Night Vale episode while I waited my turn at the haircut place, but now there's a handful of new podcasts I either must listen to or skip.

WHAT SACRED TEXTS I READ

• Rent-A-Girlfriend, Volume 24
• High School DxD, Volume 13 (in progress)
• We Started A Threesome!!, Volume 2
• I Want You To Make Me Beautiful!
• You Must Be This Tall To Propose!, Volume 1

That last rom-com title amused me since I can identify with the diminutive main character, whose next door neighbor is two years older and very tall. 

Before I excused myself from the dating pool the women I generally dated were 5' 8" and above. A couple of them had erroneously listed their height as 5' 11", likely due to society's decree that women shall be petite and dainty. 

We all know that any of society's rules that makes a woman slouch is bullshit, right? 

Anyway, I don't have a fetish or a preference for tall women. It's the end result when shorter women, even ones that were barely five feet tall, generally excluded me from consideration because they felt they can't wear high heels around me.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ll still encounter that problem in middle age, but if I do... well, speaking of tall, attractive women...

WHO’S IN SLAP COURT THIS WEEK

The Defendant: Myself

The charge: One count for being a possible theft victim. 

Wait. What the fuck? Before y’all accuse me of being a legendary masochist like Konosuba’s 5' 9" Darkness, let me explain why I'm this week's perp in Slap Court.

Upon Akeno’s purchase, I put my Victorinox Huntsman pocket knife in her center console. It was intended to be one of those things to have on hand in case of an emergency, and I had forgotten all about it until I cleaned, oiled and sharpened my Victorinox Handyman model yesterday. 

There’s no evidence of a vehicle break in, so I'm assuming a Nissan technician is the proud, new owner of the Huntsman. Yeah, I could call them but there have been three visits to two different dealerships during the past two years and I have no idea exactly when it disappeared.

Therefore...

The punishment: One slap, the purchase of a Victorinox Super Tinker pocket knife as a replacement, and the Super Tinker shall be kept in my bags or on my key chain at all times. 

I know theft victims should never be further victimized, but two employers ago as a Senior Underwriter I worked on numerous homeowners claims that involved the theft of personal property from parked vehicles. Obviously, I didn't learn from other people's experiences so this punishment is suitable. 

WHO DESERVES A FIST BUMP

I have a soft spot for the K-Tunes Racing duo of Morio Nitta and Shinichi Takagi, two former Super GT champions that are around my age. In the season opener at Okayama last weekend, their car ran amongst the GT300 leaders all day and finished in 6th place. Well done!

WHAT’S UP WITH MY HEALTH

Despite my trail mix misadventures, I still managed to lose 0.4 pounds this week. I feel like the protagonist in one of those stories that cheated death, learned a valuable lesson, and is thankful they survived the journey. 

Speaking of journeys...

WHAT’S UP WITH MY WRITING/EDITING

I’m in the middle of editing the seventh chapter of my manuscript, which I've christened Unbound as a working title due to it's one word description of the protagonist's journey from the 20% point onward. 

I'm working at a pace where it takes me 3-6 hours to edit a single chapter, and it may take longer depending on whether or not I have a clear vision of what needs to be changed. 

Jeez, editing this manuscript is a journey in itself. I hope to survive this one as well, whenever it ends.