Reborn As An Early Retiree, I Now Wander America’s Costliest City: Volume 1, Chapter 6

 

WHAT’S ON MY MIND

Money matters. I learned that Wawanesa sold their American division to AAA, which means at some point in the future Akeno's renewal will resemble a swift uppercut to the crotch rather than an offer to insure her. I now wonder if a gently used convertible Nissan 370Z would make more financial sense. 

Several entities are also asking me for more money for everyday things, and my frustration has morphed into enough rage to refuel the Red Lantern ring Sassybear gifted me before the pandemic. It's not that I can't afford these higher prices. I'm fed up with the ever present feeling that I'm not getting my money's worth. 

If I recite the Red Lantern Corps oath one of these days, y’all better keep your distance!

WHAT I ATE

A cauliflower crust roasted vegetable pizza, upon which I added diced tomatoes, parsley and Parmesan cheese. I really wanted chicken and kale, but sadly it wasn’t available at the Vons I now shop at.

WHAT I BOUGHT

To celebrate my ongoing weight loss, I purchased a Fitbit Sense 2 plus a handful of straps in various styles and colors. For kicks, I tried out its voice call feature while speaking with a friend and that felt so Dick Tracy to me.

One of its new features is a little embarrassing. More on that later…

WHAT I LISTENED TO

The Disgraceland episode featuring Ice-T brought back some good, and sometimes disturbing, memories from his “Body Count” days. I also caught up on Bawdy Storytelling and New Heights.

WHAT SACRED TEXTS I READ

Strangely, there were no new sacred texts to read for a second week in a row. I eagerly look forward to Monday night’s new offerings.

WHAT I WATCHED

The Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio reminds me of Shirobako in many ways. It’s quite enjoyable to catch a behind the scenes glimpse of the world of voice acting, and the gyaru Yasumi and the introverted Yuhi sometimes get along like a Molotov and a match. Ara ara!

WHAT MADE ME CRINGE

I learned what a Carolina Squat is, and surprisingly it’s not a Charlotte resident sitting on the toilet. It’s not just an abomination of half ton pickup trucks, it’s a safety hazard to everyone on the road. I hope I never see one of those here.

Speaking of potty humor… please skip the next section if you’re easily offended.

WHAT EMBARRASSED ME

The Sense 2 always wants to know how I’m feeling whenever it detects a change in my emotions. Most of the time, I respond by telling it I’m excited or happy because it’s the truth. It’s usually not big deal, but if the Sense 2 could talk I imagine Friday morning’s conversation would have gone something like this:

Sense 2: I detected a change in your emotions at 8:42 am. You marked you were content. Did you reflect on why you felt that emotion?

Me: That’s TMI, and for accuracy’s sake I felt relieved.

Sense 2: But I need to know these things to better serve you.

Me: It’s a personal matter.

Sense 2: So what happened that made you content or relieved?

Me: (Muttered after a brief pause) I dropped a deuce.

Sense 2: You dropped a… what’s a deuce?

Me: (Audible sigh) You’d never understand unless you could do one yourself.

I now fear what the Sense 2 will ask me when I start dating again someday. Some details are better left unsaid, you know?

WHO’S ON THIS WEEK’S DOCKET IN SLAP COURT

The defendant: The Toronto Maple Leafs

The crime: Losing in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Again!

The punishment: No slaps. I might make my surviving friends and family members wear Leafs jerseys at my funeral. When they lower my urn, the team can let me down one last time.

WHO DESERVES A FIST BUMP

Indiana Pacers legend and current TNT broadcaster Reggie Miller, who three decades later still fuels New York Knicks fans with rage. If I were Reggie, I’d gleefully report to my Sense 2 that I’m excited to be serenaded with “Fuck you, Reggie!” chants by sports fans that could never be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

WHAT I ACCOMPLISHED IN GAMING

I had 10 wins in 10 OWR races in GTA Online last week, but I have something more exciting to repot.

Yesterday I made a triumphant return to VR racing after an eight month absence. I once feared my diabetes diagnosis permanently made my Sony VR2 headset a pricey dust catcher on a coffee table shelf. I’m thrilled that I only suffered the expected eye strain after yesterday afternoon's gaming session, and that went away overnight. I look forward to using the VR2 again on Monday afternoon.

Another gamer recently uploaded Miku’s 2024 decals, so she’s been updated to be as bewitching as the real life Goodsmile Racing Mercedes race car. I’m also quite fond of her deep blue metallic paint. It closely resembles the color of Dan Gurney’s 1970 AAR ‘Cuda Trans-Am race cars in honor of Swede Savage.

WHAT’S UP WITH MY HEALTH

Despite demolishing the aforementioned pizza for dinner Wednesday night I still lost 0.6 pounds this week to reach yet another weight loss milestone. I’ve unofficially lost 75 pounds since last summer, and with ten more pounds I’ll have yet another exciting reason (and purchase) to celebrate.

WHAT’S UP WITH MY WRITING

I’m now in the middle of editing Chapter 7, and the prior chapters now read like a polished, published novel. I couldn’t be happier about my writing right now.