Reborn As An Early Retiree, I Now Wander America’s Costliest City: Volume 3, Chapter 7

WHAT’S ON MY MIND

Opening my once iron clad heart. I spoke with The Muse (aka Pet Sitter) for over an hour and a half, and we only hung up because we needed to eat dinner. She loves creating things with her hands as well as with a computer, and she even does her own DIY stuff around the house. She thinks she’s boring but she intellectually stimulates me the way catnip did for Terri and Torrie. We’ll have a first date either midweek or next weekend, depending on her schedule. 

Now that things are getting real, I’m fretting over things like how clean my home is, whether I have enough jeans and shirts to create outfits, and… intimacy? Yeah, even a confident guy like me has valid concerns if things get that far at some point. Just not the issues you’re thinking of. More on that later.

WHAT I COOKED TO PERFECTION AND ATE

A medium rare New York Strip steak. It was exactly 130 degrees when I removed it from the pan, and after I let it rest for a few minutes I sliced it into thin strips. It was slightly crispy on top and a tender reddish pink on the inside, but sadly I didn’t pick up a good wine for it.

I told y’all I love to cook, especially for two. Right? I hope one day to pleasantly surprise The Muse with what I can do in the kitchen.

WHAT I BOUGHT

Herb pizza oil from Williams Sonoma that you drizzle on pizza or salads. I can’t wait to try it out on a broccoli crust Mediterranean pizza on Saturday night.

WHERE I’M GOING

I hope to meet up with Bert this weekend. I have no idea if it will be at a sports bar or at his place. It’s up in the air at the moment.

WHAT I LISTENED TO

I played Deep Purple’s “Son of Alerik” on Artoria’s stereo midweek. It’s one of those bluesy tunes I’ll listen to when I’m feeling a little melancholy, but this time it was just me adjusting to all of these exciting changes in my life. 

LET’S PLAY MAXI MINI MAXI!

This week’s parlor game features Miku. Her guest stars are a Lincoln Navigator and I’m unsure what model Lexus SUV is beside her. They all look like an upbadged RAV4 with a leather interior to me.

WHAT SACRED TEXTS I READ

• Fly Me To The Moon, Volume 26
• Please Go Home, Miss Akutsu!, Volume 7

In progress from J-Novel Club…

• The Royal Hostage Has Vanished: The Black Wolf Yearns For The Persecuted Princess, Volume 2
• The Hero And The Sage: Reincarnated And Engaged, Volume 3
• The Poison King: Now That I’ve Gained Ultimate Power, The Bewitching Beauties In My Harem Can’t Get Enough Of Me, Volume 3
• An Introvert’s Hookup Hiccups: This Gyaru Is Head Over Heels For Me!, Volume 9 
• Duchess In The Attic, Volume 2 (finished)

WHAT I WATCHED

The 71st Macau GP has been interesting so far, and I’ll watch more tonight and tomorrow.

WELCOME TO SLAPSVILLE…

Davante Adams for his diva shit. I recently learned how he did the Raiders wrong when he orchestrated his exodus from Sin City, so it’s fitting that he’s playing no better with the Jets. No slaps are necessary when he’s dropping touchdowns in the end zone.

A FIST BUMP GOES TO…

No one this week. Moving on…

WHAT’S UP WITH MY WRITING

I managed to write for a few hours this week, but real life pushed that aside. I recalled some fond memories of a special someone I was friends with for nine months and then dated for an equal amount of time. I was 21 and she was 38 when we first met, but after we decided to go back to being friends we drifted apart. I hope she’s doing okay wherever she is.

WHAT’S UP WITH MY HEALTH

I didn’t lose any weight this week, but I replaced a trace of fat with muscle so that’s not so bad. I didn’t miss a single workout, either. Other than a minor knee issue, I feel fine while a lot of people are battling colds and the flu.

For those who are easily offended, here’s your jumping off point. For the rest of you… here’s what’s really worrying me.

ABOUT THAT INTIMACY STUFF

I have legit concerns if The Muse wants me to end my celibacy, but it’s not ED or a lack of skills. Some people might think what I’m about to say is a brag, but it really isn’t. To best understand the problem… *takes a deep breath*… you must know what the problem is.

I always tell women I’m “above average” to be modest. The truth is I’m one of those 1% of men that really needs those XXL condoms sold only at an adult boutique or online. That also means I can name drop some well known porn actors that are similar to me in both measurements.

Look, I’m not a magic ticket to great sex as some people are led to believe. Porn is not real life, and in real life I’ve had a few issues along the way. I not only have a larger than most body count, but there’s a subset I’ll call “I wisely settled for oral sex instead of forcing the issue”. You get one guess why.

I don’t believe The Muse has had nearly as many partners as I, and when you combine that plus what I confessed above I’m a little terrified she’ll get scared off. That’s why I want to take things slow with her in more ways than one. My goal is to be a wonderful boyfriend, if I’m lucky enough to serve that queen as her Silver and Black knight.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to my TED talk on how being well endowed isn’t the flex you think it is.